I am going to take some time to build from the concept I established last time about having a difficult time discerning between senses and emotion. In this post, I am going to focus on a particular type of emotion: mood. There is large armory of words to choose for one's current state: happy, sad, lonely, angry, etc.
This all may seem obvious to most people, but for myself, it is very difficult for me to choose one of those words and label my current state at a given moment. It is safe to say that my mind does not work like that. I do not view a given emotion as a current state, but as an absolute reality. In other words, my current mood is thought as a definition of who I am. That might seem ludicrous to some people, but it is what I do as a result of my PDD-NOS.
I recently bought a mood ring from the retail store that I work at for ten dollars. It is a pretty thing to wear, even if the elastic band is a little tight. I had a girl I work with say something to the effect of: it's pretty, but I don't believe that it can show what mood you are in. Call me naive, but I place a lot of interest in the color of the cheap mood ring. I wore it for most of the work day both Saturday and Sunday. All throughout the day, the orb on the ring was blue. This indicated that I was calm.
It does seem silly to place a lot of faith is a ring, that has elastic bands which will probably fall apart within two years, but I was fascinated how it gave me a reference point to start identifying my own feelings. During work, I perform the necessary tasks, my mind is quiet, neither feeling pleasure nor pain, neither worry nor exhilaration. I realized that I was in fact calm while working. I was not feeling any particular emotion, just blank and responsive to the situation at hand.
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