Saturday, July 28, 2012
INFP/Autism Dating Curse
Building from the topic I started my last blog post, the INFP personality type is an uncommon type. Only about four percent of the population has this personality type compared to the fifteen other types on the Myers-Briggs scale. Even more interesting, the INFP type is more frequently found in women than men.
Therefore, since I am a male INFP, I have found myself subjected to gender stereotypes all throughout my life. The American society expects men to be, for a lack of a better word, manly. That is, men are expected to be decisive and assertive problem solvers. In my case, I would much rather allow a conflict to happen passively than try to take action and do something about it and expose myself to more emotional pain than I would feel by doing nothing.. This is not something I do whole-heartedly; I am often at inner conflict about this aspect of myself.
It also makes it very difficult to date. I haven't had an official girlfriend in about five years. It's been more than four years since I've even been on a date. Both INFP and autistic individuals find dating to be very intimidating, the combined total has made my dating life miserable to experience and nostalgic to look back on. Summoning the resolve to ask out a girl, who might say no, stretches my anxiety to the limit. This is not helped by the fact that in this society, men are expected to ask women out and not the other way around. Much to my disadvantage.
To sum it all up, being a male INFP with autism in the world of dating makes me feel like a hairless cat being entered into a competitive dog show. It is not easy by any means. It's reached the point where it's more trouble than it's worth for me to force myself to approach girls. I'm just living my life with the belief that the right woman will walk into my life and make the first move. Other than that, I will continue to write my fantasy series without the fear of a family complicating my dream of becoming the next great writer. It doesn't mean that I don't want a family, but it's sort of become a way for me to justify, both to others and to myself, exactly why I have such a hard time dating.